Codependency is unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care taking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life.It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.
Enabler one that enables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior
These two words are ones that I have heard so many times in my life. I know I could give tons of examples for myself and my family and friends. And I am not saying that having these two words as characteristics are necessarily a bad thing, it just leads to very interesting relationships.
I have read a great deal on codependency and the reasons someone suffers from it. I do believe that it comes back to having faith and hope in people where they might not deserve it, but no one should fault someone for having faith or hope. But there does come a time when both may not be enough any longer.
I often call my mother a martyr for her self sacrifices characteristics, but those silly traits are what has made her into such an amazing woman and mother. She has always put everyone elses needs in front of her own and I have always looked up to her for that and I guess wanted to do the same. But I also see the patterns of destruction that putting everyone elses needs in front of your own can cause. When you are living for another person you lose sight of who you are and devalue your own opinions or standards.
I know as a parent there is a happy median of codependency vs good parenting. and I am sure i will cross over this median multiple times in my life with Emma Lou. But in a relationship there should be no crossing, there should be suffering from this. No denials, no low self esteem, no compliance and no controlling. there should always be a balance between people. a healthy one.
I strive for that healthy balance one day. until then I will contiue to try to be a good parent and continue reading about these two words and search for solutions to why I suffer from both.
